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Sowilo Blog

Being upgraded

At the end of last year – I asked my coach to send me a message on the 1st of January to the effect ‘you have been upgraded’.  My request was based on the need to send a message to my neural pathways that we are taking our game to a whole new level in 2014.   I also have to admit the notion of someone saying you are ‘upgraded’ does make me feel gleeful – and special.  So, as promised – I got my message.  And to my surprise in addition to feeling great – like I had won something – I also felt a bit anxious thinking of all it is I would want to achieve in 2014.

Also, getting myself out of holiday mode was a lot harder than I had anticipated.  A part of me still wanted to lounge around doing nothing important – whilst the other part of me was chomping off the bits to hit the road running.  To give myself a boost and a bit more structure (and honestly to shed some of those extra unwanted holiday kilograms) - I also decided to do a 7-day juice only detox. 

Aside from the physical benefits of the detox, I also knew that part of me was still carrying around lots of negativity as a result of unprocessed emotions from last 2013. So yes, while I was excited at my new ‘upgraded status’ – I found myself  still very much acting like my ‘unupgraded self’ (if that makes any sense at all). – and in fact carrying unwanted luggage (or baggage) to my new abode.  I have to say the theory and intention is very different from the experience.  Doing a detox is not an easy thing, but couple that with the fact that my new found awareness actually did surface all the stuff I needed to work through – anger, resentment, hurt etc.  For the first few days, I was extremely lethargic and of course in not the greatest mood.  Taking the focus off food forced me to confront all the stuff that was coming up.  I was not a happy camper – this was not what was promised to me with an upgrade.  But, of course – I had initiated this experience and thus found myself having to do the internal work.

At the heart of all of the stuff that came up – I discovered an age old wound.  One that dates back as far my 15 year old self.  To cut a long story short – it brought up all my ‘daddy issues’.  Without realizing, every experience since then has somehow tried to compensate for that wound – or in fact provided it with another opportunity to heal it.  But, because I was unconscious about the wound – I kept on feeling like I had been wronged and hurt (and abandoned) with each experience.  So, it was time for me to do some healing.  The healing started with me acknowledging the wound and owning it (even as my 15 year old self).  This was then followed by me identifying the bigger purpose of that wound in my life.  In doing so, I realised that as a result of the wound I was taught very early on to become independent, to be fearless and to be a go-getter that makes things happen.  I also realised that the spiritual lesson for me was the one of forgiveness.  By acknowledging the wound, the lesson and the gift – I was able to see the other ‘party’ as another human being doing the best he could do with what he knew. Also accepting that I have moved beyond the 15 year old version of me and that the me that is here now is stronger and ready to take on the world.

So yes indeed – I have been upgraded.  My first lesson on the top floor was that in order for me to function and flow in my new status – I needed to let go of those  thoughts and beliefs and wounds that no longer serve me.  They have taught me the lessons I needed and in fact by working through them and clearing them – I make room for the new lessons that are part of this very interesting journey called life.

Wishing you all an upgraded year.

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